Seeing Him Seeing Us

I had a dark weekend.  I mean the sun was bright and hot and shiny, but me?  Dark and gloomy.  Or more like snappy, snippy, grumpy, annoyed-y,  I huffed and puffed at people.  I stomped around.  I rolled my eyes a time or two.  I felt like there was too much to figure out and if someone might dare to suggest that I just relax and that everything would work out, I might have started a diatribe along the lines of OOOHHHH, really? Things just work out, do they?  Things actually only work out because someone WORKS THEM OUT.  

You feelin' me, mamas?  You.  The one who feels like summer is supposed to be relaxed and "chill"?  And it's so not, because you can't seem to get to the relaxed and chill part due to being up to your eyeballs working a whole mess of stuff out?  

It reminded me of a post I wrote three years ago at just about this same time of the summer. (I'll let you work out that coincidence in your head.)  You'll be shocked to know that the post resulted from something I thought of while watching a baseball game.  I had an epiphany when a baseball coach yelled out to my son, "Great hustle, kid.  I see you, #2!"

You can read that post here, but the gist was that when you're feeling unappreciated and swamped and overwhelmed, God sees you.  He sees you.  He sees you getting up early for swim team practice.  He sees you going to work and making sure the kids get to camp with their lunch and their sunscreen and their bug spray.  He sees you wake in the middle of the night and run down to the laundry room because you forgot to put the baseball uniform in the dryer.  He sees you packing up the sleeping bag and filling out the medical forms.  He sees you praying that the kid won't have an asthma attack or a nightmare in the middle of the night when he's away at camp.  He sees you taking care of your people.

This is a great thing to remember, mamas.  But I realized after my deplorable behavior this weekend that I only got half of that lesson.  We must remember that He sees us, but we have a part to play, too. We must remember to look back at Him.

Sunday morning after I had cried and sniffed and stomped around my people some more, I had to take a very long, very slow, very prayerful, tear-filled run.  And I had to crank up the Third Day music and only, the Third Day music - most specifically a new song, Soul on Fire, that I played numerous times in a row.  And I repeated these words as I ran.

(Out loud.  Don't mind the crazy runner that forgets people in the neighborhood can hear her.  She needs Jesus something fierce).

God I'm running for Your heart, I'm running for Your heart  'til I am a soul on fire.  

Lord, I'm longing for Your ways, I'm waiting for the day when I am a soul on fire.

Lord, restore the joy I had.  I have wandered, bring me back.   From this darkness, lead me through.  Until all I see is You.  

Lord, let me burn for You again.  Let me return to You again.

I realized that all week, I had stopped looking to Him.  I had only looked at me.  At my circumstances.  At things I needed to work out.  And, shamefully, I had looked scornfully at some of the people who needed me to help work those things out.  

Look. I'm not going to tell you to go out on the porch and drink a margarita and ask God to work all that stuff out and it will just happen.  We know that we have to make some effort to get that stuff done, but I did learn something from the past week and I imagine I'll have to learn it again.  I'm not doing it right if I'm not looking to Him before I start doing it.  

God does see us.  But we gotta see Him, too.  He's right there waiting.  Watching us, appreciating us, cheering us and loving us no matter if we do our work with a cheerful heart or even a dark one.  He's offering us patience, grace, strength and peace to deal with all that mess of stuff that needs to be worked out.

Today, let us run first for His heart.  Let us burn for Him again.  Let us return to Him again.  Before we put our heads down to power through the day, let us lift our eyes up.  See Him first, friends.  He's right there.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

-Hebrews 12:2