On Striving and Stillness

For me, September has always felt more like the beginning of a new year than has January. If you want to find me with my nose fully to the grindstone and my mind doggedly determined to make all things new - especially myself - you'll find that version of me in and around the first weeks in September.

The end of summer and the coming of September this year started in the exact same way. And yet, for me, the close of this summer brought bigger changes than summers past. We faced the end of some things in our family life that have been so familiar to me, so routine and so reliably present that while the absence of them was certainly not unexpected, it was still fairly startling. At certain moments in the day, the new reality hits me so abruptly that I forget that I actually did know this was coming.

Acting as my very own over zealous Life Coach, I told myself that all of these changes opened doors for me. I would bear less responsibility in a few areas and our schedule would open up a bit, thus increasing my chances to dream bigger dreams and commit to bolder actions. I wouldn't have to juggle too many sports schedules. I'd not miss a thing. But I found that as I faced the last few days of August, this annual, bright, positive attitude of mine seemed tinged with darkness. Just below the surface of hope was an underlying current of anxiety, urgency, and even fear.

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