On Fridays I share things that made me happy from the week - a photo, a song, a quote, a beauty product, a recipe, a pair of cute shoes, etc. If it's a product, sometimes it's something I actually own and sometimes something I just saw online that gave me a smile. Sometimes it's serious and sometimes it's silly. I suppose I believe that God is in the simple details of life and yes, I can even find Him in a tube of lipstick
Hello and Happy Friday!! I'm late posting today because I'm traveling again and I couldn't get this thing fired up at the airport. Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend! We are spending it in Savannah, Georgia with Steve's parents. Here are some favorite things from this week.
1. Drawstring Wide Leg Pants
My sister recently suggested these wide leg cargo pants from Target. They remind me a lot of the green Easel Mineral Wash pants I bought last summer which I wore the fire out of. These are a much better price point and come in black, pink or light brown.
2. Chile Chicken Soup
My Aunt Marilyn, who is one of the best cooks of all time, gave me this Chicken Chile Soup recipe when I was in Texas a couple of weeks ago. I made it and Steve and I both loved it. Highly recommend.
3 Chicken breasts, cooked and shredded
1 onion, chopped
2 14.5 oz. cans of chicken broth
2 Jars of Trader Joe's Salsa Verde sauce (or green enchilada sauce)
2 4 oz cans of chopped green chiles
2/3 cup water
1 1/2 tablespoons cumin
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2/3 cup frozen corn kernals (thawed)
Saute onion in olive oil. Then place sauteed onion plus all ingredients in crock pot on high for 3-4 hours. Top with shredded Montery Jack cheese, chopped avocado, and sour cream
3. Silcone Coffee Cup Covers
Another cute thing from my amazing Aunt Marilyn: these adorable coffee covers. When I spent the night at her house, she had these out next to the coffee pot to keep coffee warm in the mugs. What is this magic? My desk is upstairs so I'm constantly going up and down to heat up my coffee. We had one of those Ember mugs which was fabulous until it stopped working. These are a much less expensive and cuter option.
4. The Women by Kristin Hannah
The Women is one of the best books I've read in awhile. My goodness, can Kristin Hannah tell a story. 5 Stars. Two thumbs up. Highly recommend.
5. Thoughts on the Parenting of the Teens: Seeing Truth vs. Fear
I talk about my children and about parenting on this blog quite a bit. I always hestitate to give advice because of a million reasons including but not limited to:
1. I'm no where near a perfect parent and have so many things to apologize to my children for now and very likely will in the future also.
2. I am not done being a parent and as I understand it, never will be.
3. The kids are alright, but the jury is always out. ;-)
And last but not least, I have very rarely felt that I've had any idea what the heck I was doing in the area of parenting.
Still the fact is that I have been at this particular gig for over 25 years. I have experienced newborns, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary, middle, and high school aged kids, pre-teens, teens, college students, young adults and perhaps the most perplexing experience of all: the parenting of the strange and frightening life form that is a 14 year old boy. In addition, I have had countless conversations with other moms as we've navigated parenthood over the years. Many of these moms have had similar experiences to mine and some have been completely different.
Recently I was talking to a mom of a young teen. She was frightened about what was to come - terrified of all the angsty teen drama and conflict that she supposed was on the horizon. It took me back to those early high school years for my boys. I found the beginnings of something I wrote back then. Perhaps I shared some of it here so many years ago. I honestly can't remember. So I revisited these thoughts this week in the wake of that conversation. I wish I would have said this to that mom.
In a world full of a deluge of information, we parents - and dare I say, mothers, especially - create versions of teenagers in our heads. I would say the images of these mythical creatures become particularly detailed at certain times of the day . . . i.e. as the clock ticks closer to curfew and we have yet to hear the garage door lift.
As we lie awake, the babies we
have loved and known so intimately for so many years morph into the dumbest, most impulsive, most reckless versions of a human being that we can conjure up. We spin ourselves out until the plot of every story we have ever read, every news broadcast we've heard, every After-school Special we ever watched suddenly centers around the very child we birthed. We stare at the ceiling picturing their faces in the backs of police cars, in ditches, in ambulances, in jail, in hospital ERs.
Certainly, we can make a great case for these fears. They can be based on what we’ve heard from credible sources – not only news stories, but doctors, scientists, and true bonafide research that shows evidence that our children lack a fully developed frontal cortex. Add that to gossip from the community – I'm looking at you, "Local Town Facebook Community Group page" - along with our own memories of our teenaged years and what you have is a mama on the edge.
And here's a suggestion that worked for me . . . maybe once or twice on nights like those. Perhaps one way to settle our brains and hearts for a minute is to focus on the actual version of the child that lives in your house at this precise moment. I’m not suggesting putting your head under the covers and denying facts. The fear that a teen might make a terrible mistake is valid and the consequences are real.
The questions I used to center myself were: What do I see, hear and experience now in my home? What version of this actual human being lives and breathes in front of me everyday? What version of this boy do his friends see? His teachers see? His coaches see?
One of my favorite songs by the band Crowder is called "Here’s My Heart, Lord". In it the singer pleads, “Here’s my heart Lord. Speak what it true.”
It is imperative that we acknowledge truth. Of course, when our kids are teens if we give them any freedom at all, we simply aren’t always sure what is true. But we can pinpoint some things that we know to be real about our
children. And to tell yourself you are completely in the dark is, not always, but most often, a lie that fear is telling you.
In worrying about a particular son one late night, it struck me. I could create a version of this boy that the culture told me was possible and was even probable. Or I could look at the boy in front of me.
This was not to deny the facts. Teens drink. Many do drugs. Many are having sex. They drive too fast and make stupid choices. But just as I couldn’t deny what
might be happening and what might be true, I also could not deny what my eyes and ears were telling me was true about my child in the every day.
So I wrote down all the things that night: He gets up on his own with an alarm every day and goes to school on time. He is engaged with his friends and cares deeply for them.
He works hard and practices his sport. He is committed to his teammates. He comes home at the curfew we have set way more often than not and if he's going to be late he texts me. He hugs me and says, "I love you." He is responsible with his car and his belongings. He plays with his dog. He laughs easily. He loves his grandmother.
While I couldn't deny the truth of what was potentially and even likely happening outside of my house, I couldn’t deny the real qualities and behaviors I was experiencing when I stopped letting hand-wringing and anxiety cloud my eyes. The relationship with my kids had to always take precendence over my unhinged imagination. It would either be built or be broken down based on my ability to recognize truth during those years. I did not want to be my children's friend. Neither did I want to be their enemy. The line to walk was very thin and I will say that I did this better with some, than with others. Having three kids with three different personalities can be confusing. It can also give you a chance to try again. My apologies to all of them for different reasons.
So that's all I've got for today. Just a thought - you might agree or not - but for my money, the best way to rest my heart and mind was to take a moment to breathe deep and rest in what I knew for sure. I couldn't ignore hard evidence of danger. But I also couldn't lump my child into every story I had ever heard. I found that when talking to my kid about all of the scary and disappointing things that I had imagined or even actually seen in him, I should start with the beautiful, good and wise things that I was seeing first.
Look your kid in the eyes and remember who he is and whose he is. Rest in that version of your child. Be grateful for it. And when he falters remember that the Lord is always working. He started something good. He's not done yet.
He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 1:6
Have the best weekend, friends.
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