It's time for my Friday link up with A Little Bit of Everything and Momfessionals.
On Fridays I share things that made me happy from the week - a photo, a song, a quote, a beauty product, a recipe, a pair of cute shoes, etc. If it's a product, sometimes it's something I actually own and sometimes something I just saw online that gave me a smile. Sometimes it's serious and sometimes it's silly. I suppose I believe that God is in the simple details of life and yes, I can even find Him in a tube of lipstick.
Hi and Happy Friday from the "Get Eyes on All the Skinner Boys Summer Tour of 2024". I was in Danville, Virginia on Tuesday and Wednesday to move Drew into school. Then I was in Spartanburg, South Carolina on Wednesday and Thursday to visit Joe. This morning I woke up in Nashville, Tennessee and we'll spend the weekend with Kyle. Besides checking in on my kiddos, here are some favorites from the week.
1. An Emotional Support Pineapple or Pickle or Potato
I can't for the life of me figure out where I came across these crocheted emotional support things first, but they make me laugh. Maybe you know someone going through a tough time and maybe she needs a little assurance. First, I would recommend, you know, JESUS, but this FINE-APPLE seems like the next best thing. Also, maybe the pickle one that tells someone she's a big dill would be in order. To be safe go for the 3-pack that includes a positive potato.
2. Striped Quarter Zip Sweater
When I woke up in Danville on Wednesday morning it was 60 degrees outside. And then when I woke up in Spartanburg yesterday morning it was 61 degrees. I started to think about sweaters and saw this one which is so cute and comes in some other fun stripes. Last year, I bought a couple of quarter-zip sweaters from Amazon and they held up really well. I didn't get this one because thinking this weather will stick around is really dumb, so I'll just dream about it today.
3. Ivory Necklace by Park Lane
4. Tarte Lights, Camera, Splash Mascara
My quest to find my soulmate mascara continues. I'm like JLo with my mascara journey. I got a travel size of this Tarte Lights, Camera, Splashes Waterproof mascara when I bought an eyelash curler recently and I really like it. Give me a few months and I'll decide I like another one, but for now we're going steady.
5. On Guilt, Meltdowns, and Forgiving Ourselves
Remember last week when I was leaning into trusting God and was surprised to find I was feeling a strong sense of relief and peace about the kid going back to school and the house being empty again? I was all up in 1 Corinthians 13 with the trusting and the hoping and the loving. God was at my right hand and I would not be shaken and all that jazz? Everything was pretty chill.
Yea. Remember that ONE DAY?
Well.
The very next day when Steve and Drew went to play golf, I decided to go to Target and buy some things for the college apartment which he said really weren't necessary - like for example, a totally extravagant toilet brush and bottle of toilet bowl cleaner.
As I was waiting in the checkout line, I talked to a little girl sitting in the shopping cart ahead of me. She had a Woody doll in one hand and a lollipop in the other.
We talked about Woody and Buzz and the whole gang from Toy Story. She also showed me her new shoes. They were pink. There was a curl of her blond hair stuck to her cheek in the remnants of the lollipop. Her little legs were chubby and her knees were dimpled. She was definitely not on her way to college. She surely didn't have a grown-up person job in a whole 'nother state from her mom. She was probably going home for a grilled cheese and a nap.
I noticed her mom was tired and anxious trying to get through the checkout and get to her car. I smiled at her and did not say one thing about not blinking or cherishing the moment or "before you know it . . ." or anything like that because every time someone said that to me when I was wrangling toddlers, I wanted to tell them to shut the heck up.
So I didn't say anything to her. I just stood there in the line and thought about her. She has a whole 15ish years ahead of her to get things right. She can't possibly have screwed up too badly yet. She has time to be present and say she's sorry and lie on the couch and watch the whole cartoon from beginning to end. She has time to leave the laundry unfolded and wrinkled and play hide and seek instead. She has time to let them eat only the mac and cheese and leave the vegetables to rot on the plastic plate and not determine that her child's organs will fail because of it. She has time get outside and go for walks and pick dandelions and blow off cleaning the bathroom. She has time not to pressure her daughter into AP courses or piano lessons or wearing only things that match. She has so much time to not get worked up about things that are so not a big deal.
I made my way back to my car and sat in the parking lot and cried my eyes out. There were sobs and gasps and snot. I cried for both that mom and for me. And not because I can't go back to get it right and she can. Not because time moves so fast and the boys have left and I miss their little dimpled knees and sticky fingers.
I cried because all that up there? All that stuff about enjoying the moment and blowing things off to do all the "good and present" mom things? It's such a beautiful, wonderful idea and a lovely goal and also it's a full load of BS. Or at least 75% of a load of BS. It's as much pressure to be the easy, breezy, totally affirming and supportive mom as it is to be the hard core, routine-focused, high expectations mom. It's all so darn much pressure.
As I sat in the car I decided to forgive myself for not always or even most of the time being able to be "that" mom - either one them. And for good measure I went ahead and forgave that sweet, tired mom in the Target line, too.
I was asked to help facilitate a young moms group at my church this fall. And I think the biggest advice that I might give a young mom will not be about how to handle issues at school or tantrums or self-esteem. And it won't be all the platitudes about being present and not sweating the small stuff. I think it will be to practice forgiving herself. To work on it every single day. In the moment when she screws up, when she lays in bed at night and ticks off all the things she didn't do, and years later when she sits in a Target parking lot with a snotty, blotchy face and a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner that has a 0-5% chance of ever being opened.
Y'all have a lovely weekend. Thanks for stopping by.
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1 comment:
What a busy week seeing your boys.
Aww! I have seen those crocheted things before and they are so cute.
That necklace is so pretty, I like how simple it is.
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