5 Friday Favorites: May 12, 2023

 It's time for my Friday link up with  A Little Bit of Everything and Momfessionals. 

On Fridays I share things that made me happy from the week - a photo, a song, a quote, a beauty product, a recipe, a pair of cute shoes, etc. If it's a product, sometimes it's something I actually own and sometimes something I just saw online that gave me a smile. Sometimes it's serious and sometimes it's silly. I suppose I believe that God is in the simple details of life and yes, I can even find Him in a tube of lipstick.

Happy Friday from Wingate, North Carolina where we are beginning our GraduationFest 2023. We'll be seeing Joe grab a Masters degree this morning. So excited. So proud. So in complete disbelief that the boy is old enough to have a graduate degree. Also, last night was the last regular season high school baseball game for Drew. And yesterday Kyle started his last round of final exams at the University of Tennessee before graduation next week. And then it will be Mother's Day on Sunday. The first without my mom. So if I'm being honest, this is pretty much how I'm handling things:

I'm just gonna power through all this with an all out effort to avoid feeling anything too deeply. My coping strategy is basically to run head first into distractions. Lately, whenever I start to get emotional, I'm literally saying - out loud in some cases. like a straight nutjob - "Nope. No thank you. I will not participate in that feeling." And then I push all the things down and sometimes even physically press the tears back into my eyeballs. This is my mantra right now:

Is this a healthy way to deal with grief and change? I doubt it, but here we are. Denial is a superpower I'm tapping into right now. So let's look at some of my favorite distractions from this week.

1. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

This actually wasn't great for suppressing my feelings. It was kinda the opposite. However, this movie was far and away my very favorite thing from the whole week. I loved it more than I could ever explain. If you are my age and a woman, I would guess there is a 99.9% chance you read the book by Judy Blume. Since I wanted to be a writer, she was my childhood hero. I wrote her a letter. I read every single book she wrote multiple times and I'm certain that included about eight times for Are you there God? It's Me, Margaret. If you're a child of the 70s, you'll light up when you recognize the pan your mom cooked in, the lounge chair you got your best tan in, and the hanging macrame plant holders. The mom's blue jean wrap skirt and sunglasses and Farrah Fawcett wings will make you swoon. Look closely because Ms. Blume shows up for a split second. We gasped and clapped at the sight of her.

After I read it the first time, I asked my mom what a period was and she sat me down in the formal living room on our blue velvet sofa. I knew this was going to be something important. She gave me all the details and I could tell it was a big moment for her and she wanted to do it right. She did. She did just about everything right. So after the movie, I cried my face off and my best girls that were with me hugged me and gave me tissues and took really good care of me. This movie is a treasure. Don't miss it.

2. Tie Front Shirt Dress

Is JJill like Chico's? Just don't answer that because I think it might be. In any case, I bought this dress there the other day and I really like it. I mean we've already established that I related to all of the 70s decor and clothing in Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. so I guess it's only a matter of time before I buy a sophisticated sweater set from Chico's. JJill is the gateway drug, I guess.

3. Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson

Yet again, I am years late to this book. To be honest, the concept is bizarre, so I thought it would be too weird, but my mom had mentioned it a few months ago and then my sister read it and loved it. I listened this week. The Audible recording is fantastic. Highly recommend.

4. Maybelline Lifter Gloss

Only a few days after I returned home from Texas after my mom's funeral I found the sweetest gift on my front step from my friend, Debbie. Sometimes there's a friend out there in the world who is the best gift giver ever. Debbie is that friend. I'm lucky to have lots of friends like that, but Debbie is the queen. On my step was a bunch of yellow tulips (my favorite flower), a 12 pack of diet Coke (my lifeblood) and this Lifter Gloss lip gloss. Debbie is a genius, I tell you. What more could a girl want? The gloss is great alone or to add some shimmer to your lip color. She got me the color called "Sun". I love it. I love her. People are good. 

5. Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

I'm obviously still working through the loss of my mom and I'm not sure how much I will/should/am able to share here because sometimes the things I think I'm learning turn out to be things I haven't really learned. Sometimes the things I think I believe on one day, turn out to make no sense to me the next day. Sometimes I think I feel peace about part of the journey and sometimes I feel like I'll never feel settled again. Sometimes concepts of heaven or God's timing or His protection seem very clear and other times I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my head that says, "WTF?". So this little story might be like that. It might seem silly. It might seem like a stretch. But it made me happy. It gave me some peace. And it gave me some hope. And it made me feel like my mom was smiling at us. So here it is.

I have always believed in signs. I have friends who have lost their children to cancer and their stories of seeing signs from them make perfect sense to me. I believe them. I don't find their stories as coincidence or happenstance. I trust they are real. 

I expected to look for signs from my mom. I wanted to. But as I said at the beginning here, I'm in the business of distracting myself so much right now that I'm not sure I'd catch anything if she threw it my way. Maybe because I'm scared if I look, I'll see nothing. Feel nothing. Anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting outside having a bad day. I was begging my mom to show up some how. A leaf falling from a tree? A squirrel? A rain drop? A bird? Come on, Mom. A bird! How easy is that. Let's go, Mom. Where are you?

Then I started to laugh even as tears streamed. The truth is, I don't like birds. Their eyes are beady and they move their heads around in that shifty way. They flap around and they creep me out. I pictured my mom thinking, "I'm not coming to you through a bird, you dummy, You think birds are weird." So I went inside and tried to stop thinking about it.

The next night I sat at Drew's baseball game. We were winning by a lot. I was not paying very close attention. Drew came up to bat. It wasn't a tense situation. It wasn't a game we were in danger of losing. I wasn't praying for him to get a hit or bunt someone in, like I usually do. Drew's had a fairly good year hitting. He's a solid player. He's not a superstar, but he doesn't strike out much. He's a pretty good bunter. He can get you a single and this year he's knocked a couple of doubles. He's fairly reliable at the plate, but again, he's not a surefire power hitter. But I digress.

So, again, I was watching, but just barely. Honestly, I was still in my funk from the day before. Kinda feeling sorry for myself.

Then all of the sudden out of the blue, the kid knocked the ball to left field. And I heard someone say, "That one has a chance." And I sat stunned as the ball went flying over the left field wall. My boy hit a homerun. The thing every baseball player dreams about. The first he's ever hit in his high school career.

And in that moment with my eyes and my mouth opened wide in wonder and my hands covering my head in disbelief, I could hear her voice saying to me, "A bird, Jennifer Lynne? No, ma'am. Not a bird, sweetie pie. Not for you. How 'bout a homerun instead?"

Is Drew perfectly capable of hitting a homerun without help from the heavens? Sure, he is. But his momma needs to believe that his Grammy is there. And that she's watching us. And so as I stood and clapped and tried to push the tears away I chose to believe. And I'll try really hard to keep on choosing. Every single day.

Have a good weekend, friends.

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