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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Big, Fat Losers

This is what went down while I was mixing up the homemade whole wheat flaxseed infused waffles toasting up the Eggos this morning.   There was an argument among two boys about SportsCenter.  Shocking.  I know.  The dilemma was surrounding the immensely crucial matter of who actually dunked the basketball in that clip from the Celtics game.  One says Rondo, one says Joseph.  Back and forth, back and forth.  With my head-splitting and ears-burning, I gripped the counter and stared at those waffles willing myself not to scream something like the following:

"Hey, maniacs.  ONE of you is WRONG.  ONE of you is going to feel really embarrassed when you realize that you were arguing like this was the most important matter under heaven and you were WRONG.  ONE of you is always wrong.  Sometimes it's the big one and sometimes it's the smaller one.  Over time, I'm pretty sure that there has been an equal amount of wrongness between the both of you.  I also would like to point out that you are both equally ANNOYING.  So, you might want to cut your losses right now and ZIP IT!" 

I didn't say anything though because for some reason I had iron will and self-control this morning. Or maybe I was just too tired from staying up and watching Parenthood and crying about how Kristina's mom won't come to be with her for her chemo treatment and stressing out about the really bad relationship choices that both of Sarah's kids are making.  The apple doesn't fall far apparently.  Keep your clothes on, people.  Anyway . . .

Suddenly, one of my geniuses realized that it is 2012 and there is a little maneuver that is called REWIND IT.  And guess what?  Suddenly, there was silence except for one barely audible, "oh" and then another barely audible, "oh".  The guy who dunked the basketball was a 3rd party . . . some guy named Jeff Something.  And then there was a moment of pure joy for mom . . . that moment when your pompous little jokers realize that they are BOTH BIG, FAT LOSERS!  HA! and I didn't have to say a word.

Only slightly better than my happy dance, was that was that there was no more arguing and somewhere I think they might have learned a lesson.  Maybe, not one that will stick, but still.  They both started laughing.  I fully expected the guy who said "Joseph" to start a second argument saying that he was more right and/or less wrong than his brother due to the alphabet and all.  It didn't happen.  They went off to the bus together, two big ol' losers, walking side by side, in all their loser glory. 

And that little moment of tranquility and love in the Skinner home reminded me of this genius article I read a few months ago called "Marriage is for Losers".

The writer states: 

"If marriage is going to work, it needs to become a contest to see which spouse is going to lose the most and it needs to be a race that goes down to the wire."

He points out that this concept is wholly counter-culture.  It's actually a bit anti-American and, don't get me wrong, I DO love me some America.  But within our homes and within the space between two people perhaps there is a great deal more to gain when we let ourselves be open to lose.  It's completely radical and sounds crazy coming from a gal who will just as soon pull the plug on the TV as let someone beat her at Jeopardy.  It's also perfectly genius and imperative to the health of pretty much any relationship, but most definitely a marriage relationship.  Read it HERE and then send it to your spouse.  Then let's join my two oldest sons and go out today and be the best big, fat losers that there ever were.

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