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Friday, March 20, 2015

Winter (Not) Lovin': AKA Time to Get a Restraining Order


Winter is stalking us.  It has become the new Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

It was pretty clear to me that Winter had taken a trip to Crazytown when I got a call at 6:20 am this morning that school would be closed due to accumulating snow and/or ice today.  A day which my calendar assures me is MARCH 20TH.  As soon as I hung up the phone, I could've sworn I heard Winter hiss,

"I will not be ig-NORED, Dan."

So before we find a bunny rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove, I'm going to go ahead and squeak out a Winter Lovin' post. 

But listen up, you psycho freak Winter, Sweetheart.  Put the icicle down and slowly step away.  March 20th is as far as you get.  You must stay within a court ordered number of miles and days of us which is no where near our fair city, ok?  We don't love you.  You're not our type.  There is nothing to be done about it.  Even the stores are tired of you.  They are selling your stuff for almost no dollars and cents, so I will do you this favor and feature you here in the blog today. But, then be on your way, ok? 

(The above is why the young folk will never read my blog.  How sad that a Fatal Attraction movie reference would be lost on those of a certain age.  Of course, those pesky young things do have the Google, don't they?  They'll figure it out.) 

Ok, SERIOUS sales are happening.  The only glitches are that you have to be quick and sizes can be limited.  I believe in you though.  So focus, click, decide.  No dilly-dallying.  Here we go.

Puffer Jacket from JCrew

THIS  jacket was originally $188.00 and now it's on sale for $59.99, but THEN if you put it the code SPRINGSALE at checkout you can get it for $34.99!  WHAT?  Winter is desperate, y'all.  (And also, it's lightweight, so will still be good for Spring nights at the ballpark or early mornings on the soccer field.)

Wool Melton Swing Coat from JCrew

Back in the late 80s/early 90s, Sister had a great swing coat.  When I think back on that time, I think of that swing coat. I'm sure it had giant shoulder pads and also it's likely that underneath it, Sister wore a plaid drop waist dress with a lace collar.  Still, I have fond memories of the swing of that coat. I think Sister was caught right smack in the middle of a fashion-do and a fashion-don't.  THIS one from JCrew is a really pretty color.  The best news is that it was originally $366, but with the sale and the code, you can have this coat for $104 and some cents. I'm not good at math but that seems like about 327% off.

Cabled Ella Pull Over

I saw THIS way back in January at Anthropologie  and I was so close to buying it.  Now I know that we want to buy sleeveless shirts and shorts right now.  I know we cannot bear to consider cable knit anything at this late date.  But, Friend, just as sure as I'm sitting here, there are snowflakes coming out of the sky.  And the thing is this adorable sweater was $118 and now is on sale for just $29.99.  So I would even support one purchasing this on the hottest day in August.  I mean, it's a free country and a country in which most of us have closets, so you can save it for later.  You and I both know that just about the only thing you can usually get at Anthro for $29.99 is a candle, so somebody, please hop on this right quick.

Spanish Chicken Stew with Almonds at Panera
It is a sad fact that, unless you get really fired up about a Five Dollar Footlong,  my neighborhood has very few adequate places for a gal to meet her friends for lunch,. 

(Let's pause here and let perspective smack the spoiled brat blogger right up side the head so that she understands that no, that is not even a remotely sad fact.  It doesn't register on the sad scale at all, Shallow Suzie.)

Ok.  We do have a Panera which I find enjoyable.  This winter I have been a fan of the Spanish Chicken Stew which is not even pictured on the website and which is not on sale for 7,000 percent off as far I know.  But it is really good and perfect if it's freezing outside and you want to eat something hot while asking your girlfriend to pray for you so that you will stop being a spineless clod of grievances about the lack of hip eateries in your 'hood.  THESE BROTH BOWLS, despite the very unfortunate name, are really yummy, too.


Ok, books are really an all year long thing, but I've read a ton this winter.  I got on a kick of reading memoirs by funny women this winter and I do believe those books might have saved me from spending a boatload of cash on psychotherapy, prescription drugs and mint chocolate chip ice cream to manage my Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I read Amy Poehler's Yes, Please, Tina Fey's Bossypants, Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?  and Home is Where My People Are by Sophie Hudson, the author of the adorable and hilarious blog, Boo Mama.  I'm pretty sure all of these books annoyed the fire out of my husband because I would burst out laughing reading them while he was trying to fall asleep.  And then later when he was almost asleep, I would turn out the light and try to fall asleep myself and I would remember something from one of the books and start laughing again.  So, it's not easy to share a bed with me, but it's not my fault he asked me to marry him.

There are eleventy million pairs of boots on sale at Nordstrom.  I'm not gonna even link there.  Just go on.

Well, that'll be it now, Winter.  Game over.  Move out.  Skeedattle.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  We don't want to have to call Anne Archer out of retirement to come shoot you in the bathtub when that creepy bubble comes out of your nose.

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