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Wednesday, May 6, 2015

A Look into the Mind Under My Brows Today. And also, Hugh Jackman

I think they should change the phrase April Showers bring May Flowers to April Craziness brings May Full on Need to be Institutionalized.  Just about everyone I know feels the same way.  There's a lot on my mind these days and I can't seem to remember what I am supposed to do first.  Like if my brain was a filing cabinet, it would be as if some toddler just came in and took all the files and threw them around.  I've been running around lately with a constant furrowed brow trying to figure out how to get everything done.  Which is really not a good look for anyone, unless you're Hugh Jackman.

How are you not following this?  Please stay focused, Reader. 

See, I took a glance in the mirror yesterday and the term "knitted brow" came to mind.  And then I was trying to decide if "knitted brow" and "furrowed brow" mean the same thing, so I went to The Google and looked it up.  And actually "knitted brow" did not come up.  The Google asked if I meant "knit your brow" because The Google is there to be helpful and also to make you feel stupid.  But I didn't have time to feel stupid, because that made me think that "knit your brows" must be related to that new eyebrow threading craze which really freaks me out especially when they do it in the mall at those kiosks in front of God and everyone. 

Have I lost you again?  Hey, eyes over here, ok? 

Anyway, if you ever decide to type "knitted brow" or "knit your brow" or "furrowed brow" into The Google, you will, shockingly, not see my face, but you will see this.

You're welcome.

(I know.  It's a wonder that my kids get anywhere on time or have clean clothes to wear or food to eat what with The Google being so accessible for my time wasting behavior important information gathering. And I'll have you know that if any one out of three of my kids has any one out of three of those things during the next month, I'll be calling that a good day.)

Hugh and I are both concentrating very, very hard.  We are a mite confused, but we will figure out how to make it all work.  No worries, mate.  And we (or at least, Hugh) will be looking devastatingly handsome while we furrow or knit.

Now that we've set the proper expectation for this post, I will proceed with a few other things that have been going on in my mind right beneath my knitted/furrowed brow.  Sometimes I have to get all the gibberish out of my head, so that I can get to the important matters on my list.  Also, I just feel like I should show you a few more examples, besides Hugh, that The Google served up just to emphasize my knitted/furrowed brow point.  As if there is a point. 

*Bathroom Remodeling
There is nothing that sends me more into superfreak mode than decisions about home décor and remodeling.  I like pictures of beautiful bathrooms and kitchens and whatnot and I desperately want to pull off what I see in magazines in my own home.  I just don't want to be a part of any of the decision making.  So when we decided that we have to do something about our master bathroom, I started to get an eye twitch because TILE, FLOORS, CABINETRY,COUNTERTOPS, MIRRORS, LIGHTING, ET AL.

This tendency to panic in these situations is why I think God gave me a mom, a sister and a best friend that are very talented and calm and don't feel the need to curl up on the floor and cry whenever they are in the vicinity of a home décor showroom.  My God-given friend, Nancy, walked through a tile showroom with me today and helped me figure out what I liked in the way of flooring and tiles.  And I'll have you know that I felt so much better and didn't even have to sit down and put my head between my legs.  Until she mentioned that there would be grout color decisions to make.  Who in Sam Hill knew that there were different colors of grout?  Nancy said I would not believe the number of grout colors from which I could choose which caused my furrowed brow to come back and I looked at her like this.

*Grey's Anatomy
I am not up to date on my DVR, but I do understand that the McDreamy dies after saving four people and trying to telepathically direct a group of inept surgeons to save his life episode was not a dream.  This is a turn of events that is very difficult to bear.  The only thing that makes me able to handle this with the strength and grace of Jackie Kennedy is if I consider what would have happened if they had ever killed off Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights.  Like, say he was impaled by an angry Longhorn steer after saving Riggins, Saracen, Smash and Buddy Garrity from some sort of cattle stampede.  I can't even imagine the face I would still be wearing had an episode like that been written.  Probably sort of like this.

*Beyoncé's Dress
Y'all, one of my favorite things in the world is to check out celebrity fashion.  I love the Oscars and the Golden Globes and I used to record Joan Rivers on The Fashion Police on E! after every awards show.  So, when I heard that the Met had its Costume Institute Gala on Monday night, I couldn't wait to see photos of some of the dresses.

(Let's pause for a second to let my dad take a deep breath as he realizes that the Political Science degree that his daughter received at The University of Texas with his hard-earned money is going to great use these days)

Luckily, Nancy and I went to get manicures yesterday and something like Access Hollywood was on the tv there talking about the gala.  And they showed Beyoncé, who I think is one of the most beautiful people in the entire world, in her dress.

First of all, you can't tell me that she doesn't have an enormous headache.  Secondly, you can't possibly give me an adequate explanation for this dress.  WHY?  I was sitting behind Nancy so I couldn't see her face and we really couldn't talk, but I could see Nancy looking up at the screen and just shaking her head.  And I pictured my friend's furrowed brow in my head.  I imagine it was something like this.

So, that's all folks.  I gotta go do some important things.  And I think I'm going to need to purchase some of THESE while I'm at it.

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