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Monday, January 9, 2017

The View from the Couch: Golden Globes Recap 2017

I know the Super Bowl isn't for a few weeks for most of the world, but for my friend, The Lovely & Talented Mrs. C, and me last night was the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, and the WCPP (that's the World Championship of Ping Pong, if you're not aware) all wrapped into one glorious night with the added benefit of metallic sparkles, black sequins, and all the Chrises - Pratt, Hemsworth and Pine. In our humble opinions, Mrs. C. and I are our best selves when commenting on the Golden Globes awards show. We think we are quite hilarious. We had communicated earlier in the day and were all set to have our phones at the ready to text all of our witty banter and strong opinions to each other. As Mrs. C. says, I'm the Amy to her Tina.

Oh, yes, we do think that highly of ourselves. Yes, we do.

Unfortunately, I lost a little focus in my planning which led to a snafu the likes from which I might never fully recover. Our family has been really consistent about having a sit-down-home-cooked dinner on Sunday nights. We are not great about the rest of the days of the week, but we've been pretty good about Sunday night. So, I lost all sense of priority and decided that the quality time around the table with my family should trump sitting down to watch the celebrities wearing dresses that cost more than my car Live at 8:00 pm on NBC.

I mean, let's be honest. This was irresponsible and lacking in adequate forethought.

Just set the DVR, you say? Catch up to Live during the commercials, you say? Great plan. I had asked one of my kids to set the DVR while I cooked. Sadly, something went horribly wrong and it didn't record.

This is where I tell you that I had to take a lot of deep breaths because my disappointment was so disproportionate to the situation that you would have thought that my smart, caring, responsible child had just wiped out our bank account to purchase drugs and prostitutes.

I have never claimed to be perfect. Or rational.

The Lovely and Talented Mrs. C. gave me adequate support and sympathy in my despair and then reminded me about this new thing called Google that would allow me to see Jimmy Fallon's opening and the 45 minutes I had missed at any point in time. The Lord is good and worthy to be praised. Amen.

So here are some of our thoughts on the celebrities and fashion of the evening.

First of all, I feel it necessary to personally answer the question of the night, "Who are you wearing?".

I was making a bold move by mixing patterns last night. I paired striped pj bottoms from the House of Old Navy's 2015 collection with a plaid button down shirt that I had been wearing all day while I folded 421 pairs of Nike socks. My socks were by Potomac River Running Store and my jewelry was by Fit Bit. I will point out that I was on point with the yellow trend because I just so happened to adorn my pony tail with a yellow hair elastic by Goody that it is possible I found on the ground at a baseball park. Mrs. C. informed me that she had been in her pjs all day long.

Now having established our fashion expertise, here's who and what stood out to us.

Sunshiny Yellow

There was a lot of yellow last night. The Lovely and Talented Mrs. C. and I were big fans of this trend. Perhaps because it was about 12 degrees here last night and these bright yellow dresses were like sunshine streaming through the screen.

Natalie Portman was hands down our very favorite. She channeled Jackie Kennedy in this beautiful yellow gown with adornments on the sleeves and hem. I loved that her neckline was one of the few that did not plunge to her belly button and I adored her hair and jewelry. Oh my word. She might be the most beautiful creature on Earth.

Viola Davis was stunning and shone like the sun in this yellow one shouldered dress. Her speech introducing Meryl Streep was one of the best of the night and is worth a Google.

I was so excited to see Reese in yellow again because one of my favorite Reese moments was a few years ago when she wore the short yellow dress, red heels and the most perfect bangs - bangs which caused many a suburban mom to make a giant mistake the next week at her hair appointment. It was worth a shot, friends. No risk, no reward, right?  

Sleeve Issues

While I was still in the kitchen, Mrs. C. was blowing up my phone with texts of great alarm along the lines of "Oh for the love of the sleeves! So many bad sleeves! Lord, no more sleeves! Not the sleeves, Lord, please deliver us from the sleeves!" She was exactly right. It's hot in LA. You don't need sleeves,y'all. Especially these. No, ma'am.

I think last year it was Cate Blanchett, who is usually perfection, that crushed all of dreams with her unfortunate dress at the Golden Globes. This year it was the iconic Nicole Kidman.  I don't understand what's happening here. Are they totally separate from the dress or are they attached some where with fishing line? Will this inhibit her movement? Will she be like a marionette? Did my dog get ahold of the bottom of this dress? Come back to us, Nicole. We will always be here for you, forever believing in your triumphant return to bare arms.

S-J-P. B-A-D. You, too, are well loved by us. We like your risk taking, but this is not working for us. We don't want sleeves or half sleeves or bunched up at the wrist sleeves, unless perhaps you have a eczema problem we aren't aware of. I mean it could be that. I keep seeing that meme that says not to judge other people because you have no idea what battle they might be facing. It's true. It could be grief, or addiction or anxiety or eczema. We just don't know. In 2017, we will have more compassion and understanding. IT'S FINE. Just see a dermatologist before the Oscars, okay?

Black Sequins

The fact that I grew up in Texas means that I have the propensity to suffer no small amount of PTSD when it comes to sequins of any kind. They conjure images of Aqua Net, blue eye shadow and beauty pageants. I am so happy to say that I suffered no ill effects from seeing these two beautiful gowns that were head to toe sequins. I loved both of these elegant dresses. Perfection.

Kristen Bell is one of my favorite actresses in the land. She seems so normal and real, but she showed us last night that she can glam it up with the best of them. This is gorgeous. And that bracelet is incredible. I will say that Mrs. C. and I secretly hoped that maybe later in the night she might revisit her Bad Moms character and throw a pink hoodie over the top of this in case there was a chill. ;-)

Amy Adams always, always looks simple, classy and elegant. This year was no exception. Perfect.


There were lots of metallic and sparkling dresses on the red carpet this year. Some I liked and some not so much.  

Love, love, love this dress. Love the necklace. Loved La La Land. Love Emma. We did have concerns about the weird loop of hair dangling off of her updo. Mrs. C. pointed out that when you bring your brother as your date, this sort of situation is to be expected. Brothers rarely understand updo issues.

The next movie on my list to see is Moonlight which won many of the awards last night. I have never seen Naomie Harris, who was nominated for Best Supporting Actress, but when they showed her at the table I had to rewind to look at her again.  Good heavens, she is so beautiful. Her metallic dress was not my very favorite, but it was very pretty and her hair, makeup and jewelry are perfect. Breathtaking. 

I'm going to tell you something. This is Lily Collins. I have no idea who she is. Her dress is making it on to lots of Best Dressed lists and it does have some gorgeous metallic detail, but someone pointed out her eyebrows on Twitter and that is why I even looked her up. Y'all. These eyebrows deserve their own award. BE YOU TEE FUL. And her lips deserve a nomination. 

Again, I've no idea who this adorable child is, but her name is apparently Millie Bobby Brown. Gah! So cute! This dress is so pretty and appropriate. I especially want to point out her shoes which are a perfect height for her. There is nothing that gives me more anxiety than watching young girls teeter around on stiletto heels. I spent a good portion of Homecoming night worrying that many of the high school girls were going to wipe out in the gym and spend the better portion of the evening nursing double ankle sprains. You are marvelous, Miss Millie Bobby Brown.

Well, that's it for fashion. I think all in all it was a great year. And Jimmy Fallon is far and away the very, very BEST. Especially when JT shows up as his sidekick.

So to end today's post, I'll give thanks and praise to God for creating who ever invented youtube which for me today was an ever present help in times of trouble. Maybe your kid messed up the DVR recording last night and you missed it, too. It was a MISTAKE. A simple mistake that has no bearing on real life and is not a big deal at all. Pull yourself together, lady. You can watch Jimmy and JT right here, right now. Calm down. Here you go.

1 comment:

Allison Knaupe said...

I so thoroughly enjoyed this post, Jen! You and Mrs. C remind me of my sister and me at awards season. Love, love, love your writing style!

Love, Allison Knaupe