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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Day Six: Trading Diet Coke for Britney Spears

Good Evening, People. 

So many sweet souls have been checking in on me and I would like to thank you for all your support during this dark period when I am suffering the absence of diet Coke in my life.  I have to say that Day Six has proved a tiny bit less miserable than the previous five days of misery and I think this is evidenced by the fact that I did not open this post with Mediocre Evening, Stupid People.  I am not out of the withdrawal woods yet though.  I am finding myself putting back on the cranky-pants this evening since I am sitting here drinking water and watching yet another Texas Longhorn-less National Championship game.  Which is why this card I got in the mail today from my dear friend, The Lovely and Talented Mrs. C., seemed very appropriate.  The inside says, "Tackle it one day at a time"

Friends are good.  Especially friends who will still be your friend when you are being a spineless clod of grievances.

Like I said, the weekend was a struggle.  On Saturday (aka Day 4 of no diet Coke) we had the first basketball game of the season for Drew.  Now way back in 2013 I would have had a Big Gulp in hand to help me through the ENORMOUS EMOTIONAL DURESS that goes along with groups of 8 year olds bouncing a ball and throwing it into a net.  Drew was flinging himself around and diving for balls and generally giving me a GIANT HEADACHE, but I made it through with my water.

After the game, we came home and it was about 3:30 pm.  I don't know what people do at 3:30 in the afternoon if they don't have diet Coke.  I needed to start some laundry, but TOO HARD.  I needed to put all the Christmas decoration boxes back in the basement storage room, but TOO HARD. I needed to run on the treadmill, but TOO HARD.  Everything just seemed TOO HARD.  You get the gist?  Life just seemed TOO HARD without diet Coke.

Also, it seems that writing without diet Coke requires LOTS OF CAPS. 

So I went up to my bed and climbed under the covers in my full clothes and flipped to the E! channel where I found a documentary called I am Britney Jean about Britney Spears and her comeback in Vegas.  Remember Britney going after the paparazzi with the umbrella and her shaved head and her crazy English accent and such?  Remember what a mess she was?  I'm pretty sure Britney was going through diet Coke withdrawal back then. 

But, now she's back, y'all and she's going to have a fabulous show in Vegas with lots of Vegas-y stuff like flying trapeze acts and dancers and costume changes and waterfalls.  Let me tell you, it was a real emotional roller coaster watching this documentary.  At one point, there's some sort of giant spinning tree in the middle of the stage and one of the dancers gets her ankle stuck during rehearsal and MUCH TRAGEDY ensues.  Then another back up dancer gets hurt.  And if that isn't enough, Britney loses her voice because it's really dry out there in Vegas and apparently all the singers - even Celine and Elton - have that issue.  It's totally not Britney's fault at all.  And then there's the scene where Britney and her family have Thanksgiving dinner together.  And I got all choked up because I remembered how Britney's dad came to her rescue back when she was such a mess.  And when they all held hands and her dad said grace and thanked the Lord for His Son Jesus, I think I actually cried a little bit.  Then I watched all manner of infomercial type ads and came really close to ordering a InStylin' hair curler because the girl curling her hair with it was so darn happy she looked like she just found out that Texas won the National Championship. 

After my emotional afternoon, I came up with a plan.  All of the Anti-Diet Coke Zealots keep telling me, You'll be a new person!!! and You'll feel like a million bucks!!! and Your skin, your hair, your energy level!!! and You just won't believe it!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH!  So, I've decided that with this whole new energized, healthy, fabulous me that I am going to be, I will learn all the moves for all the songs from my Britney documentary watching.  Then, with all the money that I will save from not buying diet Coke, I will buy a ticket to Vegas and I will nab that backup dancer spot from the 20 year old that sprained her ankle on the giant spinning tree thing.  Then, the Skinner boys will come and sit in the fancy front seats with the Federline boys.  And though my dream of being a back up dancer for Janet Jackson never came true, I'm thinking this one will.  And as a bonus, Britney's dad will be there and he will take care of all of us.

Now do you see, Anti-diet Coke people?  Do you see what happens when I stop filling myself up with a can of aspartame?  I just went out and  filled myself up with I am Britney Jean.   The E! line-up for next week includes some show called #RichKids of Beverly Hills and the premiere of Keeping up with the Kardashians.  I'm not exactly sure which one is more dangerous, people.  Unfortunately, for you, I'll probably come back here and let you know.

"""By the time this posts, we will be well into Day 7 which happens to be our nineteenth wedding anniversary and Kyle's thirteenth birthday.  So really, I'm going to have pull it together and this day will help me do it.  By the time this posts, I will hopefully be gaining some perspective and I'll be thanking God for the man who has put up with me for not only the last nineteen years, but especially for the last seven days.  And I will be marveling at how the sweet smile of my brave-hearted boy can take my breath away just like it did when the doctor laid him on my stomach thirteen years ago.  Lucky Seven, people.  It's a brand new day."""  


Christina said...

Way to go! I had no idea you were taking a break from DC. One day at a time, my friend. One day at a time.
Christina Bartz (aka Former DC Addict in CBS with you)

Christina said...

PS I totally get your angst over wondering what to do at 330p without Diet Coke. Stinks!