Being a writer (if one can call herself a writer if she's never been paid or published or awarded) is odd. At least today it is. I suppose I should call myself a person who writes a lot and also a person who finds her soul a little itchy and uncomfortable when all the feelings and all the thoughts are scooting around in her mind and her heart and begging to shoot through her fingers. I need the writing. I need it like exercise and sleep and diet Coke.
The last few days or so have been weird though because for well over a week I've been trying to write a piece for Kyle's Kamp. I was asked last fall to write once a month for the website and I was so honored to accept. So for the past month or so, I have had an assignment of sorts. I have a deadline of my own creation that I missed. There is no April post. My "boss" doesn't care, but I'm frankly quite annoyed with myself because I have lots of feelings and thoughts all swirling about what I want to write. When that happens - all the feelings, all the thoughts, all the swirling - I usually find it easy to sit down and spill it all. But there is some sort of writer's block happening here and I'm not sure why, so this post is not what I set out to write today. This post will be rambling and about a couple of things or seven. And they'll be unrelated and random because that is what my brain is doing right now, but my soul still itches, so here goes.
I sat down this morning ready to get the post written for Kyle's Kamp. The story I want to tell is important to me. And the people the story is about are important to me for many reasons. One is that some of these people have become my friends. Also, because when I write about kids with cancer and their families the story is not really a story. It's not some Hollywood script. It doesn't have to have flowery language to make it dramatic. Real life sometimes has some pretty tragic drama all it's own and no words can make it more so. I've been perusing some photos my friend sent me for my post and the photos tell the story almost all by themselves. So I have to be careful and I have to be thoughtful and apparently this day ain't the day.
When I sat down to get started, I couldn't get going, so I decided to go running because that usually helps me and also, I am certain that Shakespeare strapped on his Nikes and took a jog around Verona when he was stuck.
When I got back I tried again, but decided that I just couldn't write at home because laundry, dishes and the new Anthropologie catalog. Also, The Today Show said that George Clooney is engaged. What? There are few things I thought I knew for sure and one was that George Clooney would be available for all time so that women across the world could delude themselves into thinking he was waiting for them. I could practically hear the sobbing across America and I couldn't possibly write. So I decided that I would meet a friend for lunch and then go to Starbucks to write because that usually helps and also, I am certain that Emily Dickinson left her dishes in the sink and went off to grab a Sugar Free Vanilla Soy Latte when she was stuck.
When I got to Starbucks, I noticed an email that my Old Navy Supercash was about to expire, so I had to check out the website for a few minutes and I feel like this is a good time to mention that the "Perfect Tee" T-shirts are in fact, PERFECT. I have issues with crew neck shirts because they have to hit your clavicle (that's a collar bone to you less sciency people) in exactly the right place. THESE fit perfectly and hit exactly in the right spot and are on sale for $8.50 .
You're welcome. Sometimes procrastination works for the greater good.
Then I checked out Cindy Crawford's MEANINGFUL BEAUTY website because this line has been mentioned to me by a number of people since I wrote that Beauty Talk post. The reviews I have heard from real people are good despite the consensus that the name is kinda dumb. I am skeptical though because in the early 90s I popped Cindy Crawford's Exercise Video into the VCR a few times a week and I never ended up looking like her.
As soon as I finished shopping, I settled in to write, but the Starbucks Wi-Fi bumped me off. Everyone else in Starbucks seemed to be writing the Great American Novel, so I figured there was some sort of rule that you had to buy a $15 coffee to keep the Wi-Fi. So, I ordered my coffee, rebooted, got the WiFi back and then settled into write. Then I got distracted because the coffee maker girl behind the counter (I refuse to call anyone a barista) said this to her co-worker, "Like, I totally thought Dylan was like 27. I mean, I'm sorry, but he looks old to me."
I might have made a face at her. Soon after that the Wi-Fi bumped me out again. I think coffee-maker girl had something to do with that.
So, I packed up and drove home. On the way I heard Justin Timberlake's NEW SONG and I feel like this is a good time to mention that Justin Timberlake's music makes me swoon. Except when it makes me dance which is what it does when THIS SONG comes on.
I got home, threw out my $15 coffee and sat down here again. I looked at the photos that my friend sent me of her boy and I sighed and got a little teary eyed and just starting writing all the mess you've just read. I'll try again tomorrow or later tonight because Drew is about to walk in and I don't want to be crying..
But if I am and he asks me why, I'll just say, "Clearly you have not heard the news about George Clooney."