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Monday, July 7, 2014

Summer Solitude (Night)book: Monday, July 7, 2014

Outside my window:
It's a warm, breezy perfect for writing on the porch kinda night, especially when that's the only time one can find to write.
I am thinking:
about some very wise words spoken by my sister when she was only four years old.  Around 1975, my mother sat her down to explain that our grandfather had died.  They talked about my grandmother and how she might be sad being without him.  Sister was really smart when she was four. Sister had an older brother and an older sister who were always up in her business.  Sister knew the value of solitude at a very young age.  Sister said this:

"Mommy, being lonely is good, 'cause nobody bothers you all the time." 

Amen, Sister.

I am thankful:
for how a blue sky, a glassy lake, a kayak and a fishing pole can create an ease in the smile and a sparkle in the eye of a boy and how God answers a mom's prayer by showing her that sometimes all it takes is His creation to create peace like a river in one's heart - both the mama's and the boy's.  I am thankful that moody teenagers and meddling mamas are no match for the wonders of His world.

In the kitchen:
We are in search of healthy smoothie recipes.  Some of us need to gain some muscle weight.  Some of us would rather not gain an ounce, thank you very much.  Some of us are allergic to peanut butter.  Some or most of us turn their noses up at fruits and vegetables so one of us will have to be adept at lying about hiding veggies and good stuff in the smoothies. Any suggestions for me, please?  I'd so appreciate your recipes in the comments box.
I am wearing:
JCrew madras plaid shorts, navy tank top, flip flops have flopped to the floor.
I am listening to:
wind in the trees outside my porch and John Mayer on my Ipod and everyone else is asleep.  Yes, being lonely is good.
I am going:
to try really hard, as I train for the Army 10 miler this summer, to get over the fact that I am not as fast a runner as I used to be.  I have learned to let go of lots of things.  Like the fact that the the black circles under my eyes are not mascara and that the smudge I keep trying to wipe from my face is not dirt, but a wrinkle.  A wrinkle that in fact has a name - the parenthesis wrinkle. How cute.  Still, I am having a hard time dealing with the numbers I am seeing on my watch when I'm done running.  It's frustrating and depressing to me and I know I need to let it go.
I am hoping:
to remember that the verse is "run the race with perseverance", not "run the race at the pace you ran it three years ago or ten, you nitwit"
I am reading:
Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan
I am looking forward to:
a movie date with my oldest boy while the littles are at camp this week.
I am learning:
that I am never more giddy or proud than when my boys are folding a load of laundry.
I am praying:
for my friend, Sandy, who lost her boy, Gavin, a year ago this month.  Most anniversaries are celebrated and enjoyed.  I can only imagine the brutality of the memories that this month will bring to her. I can only imagine that as horrible as that month was, she would choose to go back and do it again if it meant more moments with her boy.  I can only imagine that my friend must just walk through it no matter how much she wants  to walk around it. I can only imagine so very much because I have not walked in her shoes, and I know only one thing.  I will pray as hard or even harder this year as I did when I prayed for her last year, a time when I only knew her story and not her - the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles, the way her heart is trying desperately to hold tight to her faith, the way she makes me laugh with silly texts and the way she hugs.  Last year, my heart broke for a woman I did not know.  This year my heart breaks for my friend.   So to my friend and her husband and her kids:   I saw this yesterday and I thought of you.  I am and will always do my best to pray you through it, no matter how long it takes to get you through.

On my Ipod:
at the moment:  Love Song for No One by John Mayer
I am pondering:
forgiveness and our human capacity for it.  I believe with everything I have that God's grace is infinite - that there is nothing we can do that will separate us from His love and forgiveness.  But what of our own human ability to forgive?  We've been given the example of Jesus and we know we are to strive to be like Him.  But when the damage done is so great, so far reaching, so deep, is it really possible to be as forgiving and gracious as we should be, even as we want to be?  I suppose the answer is that it certainly is impossible without Him, so we just have to give Him time.  Good thing He's still willing to labor on that "good work" He began in me. Sometimes, when I try to think, "what would Jesus do?",  my next thought is:  "Please don't give up working on me, Lord, 'cause I ain't even close."
A quote for today:
"If we're giving people answers like we don't have any questions ourselves, no one's going to believe us" - Some Very Smart Person on Twitter
A verse for today:
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6 (ESV)
One of my favorite things:
Celebrating America at Lake Anna, Virginia

A few plans for the week:
basketball camp, golf lessons, movie dates, one, count it, ONE baseball game and someone's braces are coming off finally.
A peek into my day blessedly quiet night: 

***Look Mom!  No black nail polish.  It's blue!  How do you like that?***

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