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Monday, October 6, 2014

Joe at 16

This guy.

is sixteen year old.  I can't even.

This is the thought I had when I woke up this morning, sixteen years after you were born, Joe.  

(Well, to be honest, the first thought was, "NO FREAKIN' WAY is my little boy sixteen. NO CHANCE, LANCE. GOING BACK TO BED NOW.)

Then I thought of you and how blessed I am that you are sixteen and you are here.  Just up the stairs from where I type with your giant feet and your ever growing legs sticking out of the comforter that can barely contain you anymore.

Along with my gratitude for you, I acknowledge that I worry too much about you as all moms do about their children.  Just like every mom on the planet, when it is dark and late, or dark and early, or light and noon-ish and I go ahead and let my little mind get the best of my big faith, I worry.  About your feelings, your grades, your friendships, your disappointments, your successes, your future.  

Then I remember that I can trust two things.  I can always and forever trust our God.  And right now, I can try very, very hard to live in this moment and know that in this moment, at this time, I can trust YOU.  I'm not naive and I will continue to be annoyingly hyper vigilant as all parents should, but right now if I want to settle my soul and my mind, I just have to simply look at you, be with you, listen to you.  

One of my favorite things that you say to me when I am about to come unglued/do the superfreak/blow my stack at someone/something is, "I got you, Mom". Then you'll do something heroic like fill up one of your brother's milk glasses or effortlessly punch up the directions on Google maps or fix the settings on my phone again.

You are laid back, easy going, funny and smart.  I am certain you worry and stress about some things like any teenager does, but your being, your essence is calm and light.  You take things as they come, when they come.  It occurs to me that it's quite possible that you've learned one of the most important lessons in life before your time.  I think that you believe that God's got this.  That God's got you. And because of that trust, being around you is comforting and easy.

You are a blessing.  Right now.  You are not a moody, disinterested, mouthy teenager that I have to remind myself will become a blessing after we get through this teenager thing.  We will have struggles at some point.  There will be hard times and hurt feelings.  Of that I am sure.  But today, I will focus on you as you are now and on this moment in our family as it is now.  I will not lament the absence of your pudgy toes and springy curls.  I will not fret about the moment you will leave and go off into the big, bad scary world. 

I will treasure you at sixteen, Joe.  It's pretty darn sweet.

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