I have so much in my head and my heart. So many things to write, so many thoughts to hash out. Deep thoughts, shallow thoughts. Thoughts I think might make really good posts and thoughts I should just leave in my head.
But life keeps happening. I find so little time to write my thoughts because laundry, practices, games, tournaments, algebra homework, sleeping and eating need to occur. And more importantly, my people need to BATHE.
Yesterday, before I left the house to be gone all day again, I found that this is how much soap was in my house.
We have five people in our house. FIVE.
But don't be too quick to take that "Mother of the Year" trophy from me because on the bright side (and to save my reputation), I snapped this photo to prove our family commitment to dental hygiene.
Again, we don't house a dormitory of dental students. FIVE people. Five sets of teeth. That's all we've got.
It appears I need to find some balance in my life.
So here I am at 10:54 pm "writing in the margins" - a term I have stolen from my friend, Elizabeth, who has nine children and amazes me with her ability, not only to write in the margins while she raises her brood, but to write prolifically in those little corners of life that she carves out when she can. My margins of late are very narrow, so tonight I'm writing randomness and lists and thoughts that may or may not connect just to sift through the what I've been doing and/or thinking this week
**I finished reading Rare Bird by Anna Whitson-Donaldson this morning. When I first started to read it I had to take breaks and put it down to catch my breath. I had trouble sleeping the first night, but I should have stayed awake and just kept reading. This is a wonderfully hopeful, honest book about a boy and his mom, about a family and God, about tragedy and making sense of a future that looks very different than what was planned. It's full of real questions about faith and trust in His purposes. It's about realizing how very close His love can be even when you feel He's let you down. I listened to Anna speak yesterday at an event and she was remarkable - funny and moving and engaging. This book is not just for grieving mamas or friends of grieving mamas. This book is for human beings who live in relationship with other human beings in a messy, beautiful world that we do not control. It's stunning. More thoughts on that later.
**We had a little golf tournament on Monday that I think I mentioned about 6,000 times on this blog or Facebook. It was wonderful again and I am still wrapping my head around it. I'm still stunned by the beauty that Gavin Rupp's life has brought us even when we know that so much beauty was extinguished when the world lost him. We raised money for programs for siblings of children who suffer cancer. Siblings suffer enormously when a brother or sister's fight for life becomes the center of the family's focus or even, in many cases, of an entire community's focus. Here's a picture or two. More thoughts on that exquisite day later too.
A little wink from God and Gavin blessing our day
Super Sib, Miss Abby Rupp and Me
Mathias & Sabrina: Beautiful and Brave Cancer Fighters
Can you EVEN stand it? Best photo of the day.
**My son, Joe, turns 16 in a few days. I am utterly and completely baffled by this. It makes absolutely no sense to me. It occurs to me that as I looked at that baby boy so many years ago, I really never imagined that he would be sixteen . . . or seven or ten or thirteen, for that matter. I suppose I assumed it, but it occurs to me that I lived in that moment, without looking too far ahead, so much more than I do now. When he was a newborn, I just focused on making it through that day or even that exhausting hour. And I know that I should look at my 16 year old boy exactly as I did when he was a newborn: with wonder at the fact that he is even in my presence and with thanks that God has entrusted him to me for even just this day, this hour, this moment.
**Speaking of my almost 16 year old, he is in the middle of Driver's Ed. Earlier this week, he had an assignment to observe his parent doing her "Pre-driving Routine". He had a list of safety steps that a driver is to go through before taking off in her car and he was to check them off as I performed each one. I wasn't able to look at the check list ahead of time. I think I did okay except I forgot to "check distance between the brake and accelerator pedals." Really? Is that a thing? I told Joe that the check list was incomplete in my mind and that I might add these items:
4. Just before pulling out of the driveway say this very sweetly, "Someone please, pretty please, go grab me a Diet Coke out of the fridge in the garage? Please?"
***Speaking of Diet Coke. I went through the entire day on Wednesday without drinking one and I did not even realize it. This might have never happened in the history of my life. I am startled by this realization. The only days I have EVER gone without drinking at least one Diet Coke were either when I was torturing myself to give it up or I had a stomach flu and was spending my day puking. I was always aware of not having it.
Ok. so I'm not sure why I wrote about the Great Diet Coke Mystery of October 1, 2014, but I'm pretty sure that indicates that it's time to wrap it up here.
Hopefully, next week I will find wider margins and write more eloquently and less randomly. We'll see.
Have a happy weekend, folks.
***Golf tournament photos are from Chris Giordano***