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Monday, September 28, 2015

Just Another Mindless Monday


We are starting the 5th week of the school year.  And I have to say that in these first four weeks, I have kicked some September butt.  Honestly, I have been ON FIRE.   I might be the Undisputed Champion of September.

I have made so many dinners that your head would spin.  They have included Brussels sprouts, asparagus and recipes that no one in my family saw coming.  I'm pretty sure there was laundry spinning every single day.  My people do not even recognize the house they are living in.  And, I don't mean to brag, but if you do the math on how many lunches I have packed you will come to a number firmly in the double digits.

Now as we move to the end of September, I would appreciate if no one would mention math again.  The 5th grade math has already left me perplexed this year.  There was a chart of the total length in miles of four rivers.  The ten year olds needed to decide for which of rivers it would be possible for towns to be located at equal distances along the river's length.

You want to deflate a gal's Back To School Spirit?  You ask her if the Tocatins River - wherever the heck that is - could accommodate equidistant towns along its 1,677 miles.  That did not quite put me over the edge, but I will tell you what will push me right on over.

This little gem came home in the backpack recently as well.

You see that word in the middle?  That says, "Hypothesis".  Mmmhmmm.  I know.  You, Fellow Mama?  You just felt a little dizzy and had to put your head between your legs, didn't you?

Well, come on back up, because today, I am going to share some mindless, time wasting activities for those of you who have left it all out on the field this September.  You need a break.  Proceed with the following drivel that I have for you so that your Monday (or any single or plural days this week) might include lazybum -ness,  shallow shenanigans and tomfoolery of all sorts and kinds.

First things first.

You'll need some:

LOUNGEWEAR (which is a rather ridiculous new name for pajamas)
I am a bit of a loungewear connoisseur if I do say so myself.  I tend toward Old Navy for my loungewear needs (which are many).  Now I must say that a few weeks ago I went to Old Navy with a coupon planning to stock up on all sorts of basic shorts and jeans for Drew.  I also thought I might try to find something trendy for me because in my opinion DIRT CHEAP and TRENDY are words that should go together.  You just don't want to spend too much on something that might cause you to shudder next season.  I even thought I'd get some early Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews.  Well much to my dismay, there was not one thing at Old Navy I liked that day.  Not one.  For anyone of my people.

Sister called soon after and I complained for 10 minutes about it. She could not get a word in until I finally took a breath.  At that point, she said, "Well.  I think it's time for you to get over the Old Navy thing now."

When I got home I decided to check online in case it was just my local Old Navy having problems that day and I found these great pjs.

I have no idea why it took me that many sentences to get to these pjs.  Anyway, these are so soft and comfortable and I have been wearing them for the vast majority of the hours I have spent at home lately.  You can purchase the pants HERE and the top HERE.

Any Mindless Monday requires Mindless Magazines.  You do not need magazines that make you think you can pull off a three layer cake today.  That's not in your wheelhouse this week.  I choose People or InStyle.  I suggest the InStyle with Anne Hathaway on the cover this month for lots of fun fall fashion photos and also some ridiculousness.

Exhibit A:  Someone please send me this entire outfit at once.

Exhibit B:  Please InStyle.  No one is capable of carrying on a conversation with this hairdo.  Get over yourself.

This past winter I went on a rampage of reading books by female comedians including Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Mindy Kaling.  Mindy Kaling's was my favorite and she just came out with a new book which I started reading this weekend.  (If you consider reading to be getting through two paragraphs and trying not to spit out your drink or pee in your pants.)  THIS BOOK is delightful nonsense so far.

Listen.  There is a time and place for every matter under heaven.  And if you don't have some delightful nonsense in your life, you ain't living.

Speaking of delightful.  Are you following this woman on Facebook?  Sister Pooh is a DELIGHT MACHINE.  She is the woman who became famous when she warned us all this summer to stay on the beach because the ocean is the shark's house.  My favorite thing is the "Word of the Day" where she explains how in the South folks will "run over some King's English" and condense the syllables because we don't have time for too many.  For example:  "YEET" is translated as "Did you eat?"  to which you might answer "Nah, JEW?" (No, did you?)  which might be followed by "YONTU?"  which means "Do you want to?"
Bless your bones, y'all.  You cannot miss this.

Lastly, you need some tv fun.  I am so thrilled to have all my shows back this week.  Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and Nashville.  I'm also looking forward to a few new ones because ROB LOWE.  Now if you really want to laugh until your face hurts you must go find Comedy Central's Brian Regan Live Special which aired on Saturday night.  Joe, Kyle and I watched it after the tragedy that was the Texas-Oklahoma State game and it was just what we needed to keep us from jumping off the roof that night. I'm not kidding when I say you'll have to hit pause to catch your breath.  And bonus:  kids of every single age can watch this guy.  He's genius.

Here's a clip of one of my favorite Brian Regan jokes.  This one is not in the special but in light of my future science project woes, I think this is appropriate for today. I just wish I could have found a clip of him actually talking rather than the stick figures because just seeing him walk around makes me crack up. 

Enjoy your day, friends.  I hope you get a chance to do something silly and meaningless.  It's important.

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