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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Lost Posts, Decorating Decisions and Tim Riggins


I'm going to tell you about my day and it's going to be boring, but all of my people are asleep and I've got about 15 minutes until Parenthood starts, so I've gotta do something.  It was a frustrating day, but also probably incredibly boring, so if you want to skip reading the whinings of a interior decorating challenged crankypants housewife, click away, friend.  You've been warned, so don't blame me.

Interestingly enough (or not), I told myself that I would step away from the writing today.  THERE.IS.TOO.MUCH.TO.DO.  I told myself that I would not sit at my desk with my coffee, looking out at the golden-leaved trees and type away.  I had clean clothes to put away, coaches to email, faxes to send, shoe moulding to return, food to buy.  I had to start the dreaded home decor decision making.  I had to SHOWER!

Over the weekend, I had spilled my guts in the first of what might be a series of posts about my struggle with postpartum depression.  I had written about my faith and the difficulties of believing in His presence when the world seems to be spinning away and when the simple tasks of day to day life seem so terribly hard to bear.  I had explored what it meant to believe, somewhere far away in my mind, that God had not left me even when it didn't seem logical or reasonable.

The post was pretty much finished this morning and I had planned to post it on Wednesday.  I didn't need to re-read it.  I didn't need to edit it.  I was clearly trying to put off the rest of my errands and the fact that I had to decide on a mirror and a light fixture and a coffee table and some area rugs.  That sounds like a day of glee for a lot of women, but for me it sounds like a day of feeling indecisive, inferior and like my head is going to explode. 

So, I sat down at the computer and thought that I'd just take one more look at that post.  I'll tell you what I was thinking, folks.  I was thinking, "Now, that is darn good, girl.  That is some pretty deep stuff, me!"  It was all about God and glorifying Him, but as soon as I was getting all proud of myself, guess what?  I hit something or switched something and I have no idea how it happened, but that whole darn post was gone.  GONE, I tell you.  Deleted into computer heaven.  Take that, Miss Impressed with Yourself.

So I did the Superfreak for a minute and tried to recover it and then I gave up and met Mrs. R. at a few stores.  Then we parted and I went to a few other stores - all stores with lamps and tables and benches and beautiful pillows.  These are stores that I love when I don't have to decide on anything.  If I have to pick something out, I stare at things and think that I LOVE that or no, maybe I HATE that.  I wondered about round or square or glass top or leather top.  By the fifth store, I was wandering around in a daze and about to sit on the floor and cry.

So what happened instead is this:  I ended up somewhere else.  I walked into DSW and Old Navy and then I found myself at Nordstrom Rack.  I was a little defeated and a little ashamed.  Kinda like when an addict finds himself outside of a crack house.

I finally got in my car and I hadn't made a single decision on my house.  I had, however, bought a pair of shoes, a shirt for Drew, a top for me and a lip gloss.  It's okay.  That's why God invented "the original receipt".  I felt pretty bad about myself, but then I opened an email from Mrs. R. and got this:


 
And I felt much better, because as you might recall, Tim Riggins lives in a trailer.  I'm thinking that decorating a trailer could definitely be in my wheelhouse.

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