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Monday, March 3, 2014

Oscars Lovin': Alright, Alright, Alright

It's pouring down snow.  I'm not talking about it.

So, let's move to more important matters.  Like Hollywood excess and movies and dresses and jewels and the like.  Even though I stayed up late watching every bit of the Oscars, I was giddy to get up early this morning and watch all the fashion recaps in my pjs with my coffee.  Unfortunately, school's cancelled for the 435th day this year, so my boys came downstairs and I ended up watching Walker, Texas Ranger instead.  It was just like Philomena except not at all.  I know I should take control of my life or at least of my tv, but trying to talk to a thirteen year old about Cate Blanchett's Armani gown is NO BUENO.

Watching award shows with my men always results in much sighing and eye-rolling on my part anyway. A few years ago when my husband sat down to watch with me it was mere minutes into the red carpet interview portion of the show when he pointed up at the screen and asked "Who's that?"

It was Meryl Streep.

Come on, y'all.  How are we married?

So I'll just have to recap my Oscar Lovin' Moments for you from memory.

First of all,  there was much happiness about the Best Actor win in Longhorn Nation last night.  Dear Matthew, Hook 'Em Horns, my man.  Also, I'd like you to grab a few more thousand calories a day, as I am still reeling from how thin you were in Dallas Buyer's Club.  I am happy to meet you at El Arroyo for some queso and chips or at Texadelphia for sandwich or three.  Might I say that you looked quite handsome in your fancy duds, but I am certain that you changed into this outfit as soon as you left the Kodak Theater.  Our burnt orange hearts are bursting, buddy.  Just keep livin' and eating, por favor.


Now on to the ladies and the fashion.

At first, I was a little bored with some of the dresses.  Sandra Bullock, Amy Adams, Julia Roberts.  Very pretty.  Very classy.  Yawn.

Then.  This.


Oh my word.  Can you even stand how beautiful she is?  I know, it's so not original to say she was my fave because she was everyone's fave, but Y'ALL.  That fabric, her skin, her smile, her arms, her headband, her earrings.  In the words of Rachel Zoe, "I die."

Then. this.


I'm pretty sure if you show up to the Oscars in this, there is no chance they won't give it to you.  Cate Blanchett is perfection in my opinion.  I very much enjoyed her talking to herself and her Birkin bag in Blue Jasmine.  She was completely coconuts.  

And then.  Though no one was probably paying attention, because she tends to fly under the radar, there was this.

I love Jennifer Garner because one minute she's just that girl at the playground in her jeans and flip flops and then suddenly, this happens.  Somehow, I feel like she's our bestie who gives us all some sort of crazy hope that if some professional just got a shot at our hair and makeup, we could end up on the red carpet in a shimmery silver dress sitting behind Jared Leto.  I adore her.

I also must mention the pregnant girls.


Stunning.  Both real Olivia and Olivia-on-TV looked amazing.  I am totally firing my stylist for putting me in Old Navy overalls and a white t-shirt every single day for all three of my pregnancies.

In the I Don't Want to be a Hater, But category I was not a fan of a few of the dresses.  Charlize Theron's dress had those stiff pointy things at her shoulders that made me think something was missing or that she might cut someone at any point.  Also when Anne Hathaway came up to present that chain mail on her chest was catching the light such that I thought I was going to have a seizure or that there would be a spark at any minute and the whole place was going to burst into flames. Finally, I felt sad for Sally Hawkins, who was really great in Blue Jasmine, but had a very unfortunate dress.  Bless her heart, though, she had to sit next to Cate Blanchett all night and really there's not a thing a gal can wear at that point, am I right?

All in all, I was a big fan of the Oscar show last night.  I thought Ellen was fabulous.  I think Bono is the coolest guy on the planet.  I thought Pink killed.  I know people complain about the length of the show, the speeches and the lack of wrinkles on foreheads, especially John Travolta's.  But, honestly, the Academy Awards is like my Super Bowl.  I love it.

So now, since there is probably going to be no school tomorrow, I really want to curl up and watch some of the winning movies that I haven't seen yet.

Except the boys are yelling at me that Billy Madison is starting any minute.  This, I'm quite sure, will be cinematic genius.  I guess Adam Sandler just barely missed the cut when nominations were handed out that year.  12 Years a Slave is going to have to wait.  

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